she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
