I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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