i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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