I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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