You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
