so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
