piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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