She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
