yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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