How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I need to sanitize my soul.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
