I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
