He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
