I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
