what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
