My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
