I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
as a side note pls kill me
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