He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
