Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're a waste of cheezeits
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize