he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
