I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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