Only a mothe r could love this liver
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
