there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
