Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
