I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
