It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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