I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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