i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize