sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
even my farts smell like vagina
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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