garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
