God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
