she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize