I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
