dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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