What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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