you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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