Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize