I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
