i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
