Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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