is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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