Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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