Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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