I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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