i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
