i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
pop tarts are not kleenex
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
