I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
