yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
