The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
