At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
