you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
