When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
