Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize