i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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