I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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