btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize