Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just google imaged poop.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
