it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
