How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
