Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
