Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
