Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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