he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
