I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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