I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
