At least make sure they are 18
Why
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
