i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
